Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
