at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize