So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize