You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
