Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
