Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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