she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
