He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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