If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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