she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
