At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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