just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
