So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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