we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize