So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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