she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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