there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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