if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
