You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
