we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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