grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize