What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
