drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
