Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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