I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
