Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize