I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
