i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
