I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
