it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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