Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
