I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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