i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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