ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would ride that face into the sunset
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
