Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
