Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
