Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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