he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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