did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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