Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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