Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
