I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
