You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
