You work out of a Hotel?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
