I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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