Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
