You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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