Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize