I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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