I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
