my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
