Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
