Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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