no, he came in my armpit
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
