just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize