apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
A+ Viking dick
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