In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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