So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
