Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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