also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
