your thong is hanging out like whoa
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
