i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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