so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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