remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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