Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
