come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
