the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
