Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
