I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
