I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
