He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize