somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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