You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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