i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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