you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
