That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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