please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
