I'm drive I can fine osifer
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
