Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
