Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
