I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
