Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We had to coat check the pizza.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
