Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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