So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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