Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
